Everything and nothing all at once

I'm a lump of ideas, of things I want to do and all the time and ability to do them.. And yet, here I am. Unsure how to do any or how to pick what to do and where to start. This is why I procrastinate some days, I just don't know what I want to do, or what I should do. So instead of reading the 12 books on my reading list, or listening to all those audiobooks I got that one time I just nap. Or look at my assignments that are almost due and tell myself I'll do them tomorrow. I don't ever usually do them "tomorrow." But there are so many things I wish I could do, I wish I could write beautiful poems and play the viola. These are things I could easily learn, but will I? No. Because I'm too busy doing everything and nothing all at once. I work, that's fun. I study (halfheartedly that's for sure). This is the dilemma I am currently facing. finding the motivation to do the things you need to do and also getting to do the fun things after, instead of putting off the necessary things and missing out on doing the fun things too. If I put off the things I have to do, I don't let myself enjoy the things I want to do for fun. So I just mope around doing none of the things. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I am very productive when I procrastinate, like doing all those things you've been thinking about for years (like sending your Grandma a card.. Sorry Grandma!) While other days are not so productive. Then some days you're full of energy and you get all the things done and the To-Do list is all ticked. I think I'm just using a lot of words to say that I'm a creature of laziness and I'm inconsistent with the effort I put into things. I like to put off things that I can start tomorrow. Even a movie series I want to start watching I'll put off because I'm too lazy to watch a movie and pay attention! Who is that lazy?!

Well, anyway.. I got distracted from writing and started reading quotes from C. S. Lewis instead, so I'm not entirely sure where I was going with all that nonsense. All I see now is, blah blah blah, time to be more disciplined and do things and laa dee daa. The end.

Here are some words from other people that are better writers than I will ever be.

“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art.... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.”

― C.S. Lewis

“A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word 'darkness' on the walls of his cell.”

― C.S. Lewis

05/05/20