I wrote this when I was falling asleep?

"Keep your heart with vigilance, for from it flows the springs of life." ESV

"Keep your heart with diligence, for out of it springs the issues of life." NKJV

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." NIV

"Watch over your heart with diligence, for from it flows the springs of life" NASB

Proverbs 4:23

I've always loved this verse, but I haven't read it for a very long time, and I don't think I ever really paid attention to or understood what it meant. 

I always read it and just enjoyed it, I enjoyed the sound of the words. It was sort of comforting, being told to watch your heart. I didn't really know how to do this, but I vaguely knew that everything in life came from the heart. So what is so important about keeping one's heart with diligence? I never bothered to ponder that too much, until the other day. So here are some of my thoughts on this topic. I am by no means saying I know everything, simply just writing for the purpose of creating discussions and seeing how others view similar things.

Anyway, I was thinking the other day about how I want to be there for others, I want to be available to be around for those who need help. But just because I want to be like this, doesn't mean I am. I don't make myself open to these kinds of things. I can be there for people I know and trust, but someone I hardly know? I run a mile. Then as I was thinking about this, Proverbs 4:23 popped into my head. I didn't really pay it any attention at first. Just keep going about my day (probably had a nap). Then as I was going to sleep, I thought about it some more. I realized that maybe I'm not good at being there for new people because everything we do, flows from the heart and I was not particularly good at watching and guarding my heart when I was younger. (By younger I literally mean last week, I am a work in progress here).

But when I was younger, I was more open and willing to let people into my life. Sometimes I did this too fast, and so my heart was not well guarded and so it got hurt (maybe even broken, who really knows). The reaction to these pains wasn't necessarily instantly visible to me, it has taken me a long time to see how I have been living in the pain, and not letting myself come past it. One reaction from me is that I'm not as open, I've never been easy to get to know, but it's even harder now. I don't like letting people in or showing my emotions. I allowed myself to wallow in my pain, I didn't know how to take it away, so I numbed it. I made bad decisions and couldn't see at the time that I was just letting my pain rule my life. Hurt can rule our lives. So I think this is why we're told to guard our hearts because God knows that once we're hurt we take so long to get over the pain and come back to Him. Once our guard has fallen, it is so hard to put it up again. And we can become so unwilling to accept help from anyone, and especially God.

I'm starting to ramble now, but that's not surprising at all. If I could tell you how to watch your heart I would, but we're all different and have to learn the hard lessons for ourselves. 

I will say that no matter how good we think we are at guarding our hearts with vigilance we will all go through some sort of heartbreak because we live in a fallen world. But something I've taken a long, (really long) time to understand is that our scars should not define us. We can wear them, let them heal and grow from them and use them to help others that need it. But we cannot let them become who we are. Our identity is not found in the scars we have attained, but we find our true identity we when realize we are sons and daughters of the King of Kings. We are called to be found in Christ, who bore all our brokenness and sinfulness on the cross so that we may be closer to Him for eternity. So, guard your heart but when you can't make sure you're open to God so that He can heal you and draw you closer to Himself. When you're hurt, don't run from others but let people in through the pain so you can heal. We are all human, we will all have different pains, but we are social and we were created to be in communion with one another.

That's it from me today. Maybe it made sense? I don't know. Most of what I write is for myself so I can process and understand things I should probably already know. So I'm teaching myself more than you if I'm honest.

Anyway, I will stop now.