Practice doesn't make perfect, cause I still suck

Does practice make perfect, or does practice just make you realise you've gotten yourself in far too deep?

Welcome to my blog, where I will be expressing all my negative thoughts this evening. Well, not all of them, but the ones that are bursting within my stressed brain.

So, off I go, into the wilderness of my mind. I'm very stressed with life at the moment. I don't remember when I wasn't stressed, I think that must've been sometime in mid may. But the reason for this stress is the competition I have at the end of this month. I hate losing. But, in saying that I hate trying as well. Because if I don't try too hard the disappointment in myself is lessened a bit. Which is messed up, I know. I'm just a mess of a person really. But for this competition I do want to try, but I can't let myself think I'll win, cause I'll be crushed if I don't. So I'm pretending like I don't care, and I'm just doing whatever. So that's cool. However, it's almost under 2 weeks away, and I've started practising everything and I just want to scream. I hate the pressure, and the amount of times I've almost quit are countless. But, I also thrive off the presure and I know I do very well under stress, which is why I haven't let myself give up. Because giving up gets you nowhere, and I'm at a point in my life where I want to try my best at everything because trying is a way of growing, and life is all about constant growth, and allowing yourself to be challenged. So here I am, in a pickle of stress and self doubt. But uh well, I'm here and it'll be over soon and whatever happens at least I know I almost tried hard.

Now having said all of that madness, I've come to realise over the past few weeks, that life never settles down. I've always kinda thought that life will get easier one day and it won't be crazy busy. Ah, but that is a false hope. Life, I've noticed, will always be chaos and the only thing that'll get better is the way you handle the madness. Because life is life, and it's always going and we never stop living until we die. But, the way we look at things and the things we chose to stress over change. We become fussy with what to worry about, because you can't worry about everything. So this has been a scary thought, life will never settle down, and it will always be what I make of it. We can chose to be sad and stressed out, or we can look past the mess and just be content.

This is something I will definitely struggle with my whole life, but at least I can start practising now. Because practice doesn't make perfect, but it definitely helps you get better.

Long, useless rant over. Now my brain can calm down since this nonsense has been written down.

Lecy x

This is what I was trying to say, I just used a lot of unnecessary words.